This little angel girl has been a light to us in the last few weeks.
She is so fun and sweet and warm... and the biggest blessing in our life together.
I was going through, and pulling, some of my favorite pictures, and was completely overwhelmed with the way the Lord has blessed us.
The past couple of months have been a roller coaster of emotions for us as we found out we were expecting a new little one, only to find out that we lost the pregnancy. Again.
Anyone who has had a miscarriage can attest to the toll it takes on a person both physically and emotionally. This one seemed to be more drawn out than the one I had before Ella.
I think it is hard for people to understand who haven't experienced it. I guess you never know what a person struggles with, or how a person feels unless you have been there yourself.
Recently, I was hanging out with a dear friend who is also pregnant, and it was so hard for me to listen to her worries about gaining weight during her pregnancy when I was so devastated with my own loss.
It has taken me a bit to process the loss.
Life can be so hard and sad sometimes.
But isn't that the point of experiencing trials in this life?
To soften our hearts, to help us know how to succor others, to bring us closer to God, to humble us, to make us thankful for our blessings.
Today, I am overwhelmed with the beauty in my life.
Life is sad sometimes, but it is also so full of joy.
It is painful, but so fulfilling.
It is hard, but beautiful.
If we choose to see the beauty.
I am thankful for an imperfect body which has blessed me with my perfect, beautiful angel girl.
I am thankful for that dear friend who has been so supportive in so many ways.
I am thankful for the care and concern of loved ones.
I am thankful for my sweet little family, even if it never gets any bigger.
I have faith that the Lord will bless us with the family we are supposed to have.
I am thankful for the little girl who picks my nose while I say nighttime prayers with her.
I am thankful for her inquisitive little nature and bright smile.
I am thankful for the joy she brings to my heart every single day.
I love being a mommy to my Ella Claire.
As much as I never want anything sad to ever happen to her,
I hope that when it does she will choose to see beauty.
Shan
Oh, Kristen...I'm so sorry! It hurts my heart that you're going through this. You're right, I can only imagine what the pain may be like. I love you, and you have so many people who love you too! It's funny what the Lord's plan is for us, but there is comfort in knowing that He does have a plan for us. Love you tender! 🙂
Emily Netz
I am so sorry, Kristen! I am praying for you and your family as you go through this difficult time. I have never experienced what you're going through, but my heart goes out to you, my friend. I admire your spirit and I can see God's grace in your life.
Kris Pare
Hi Kristen, I too understand the pain -- May you find comfort for healing. Your little one is beautiful and your family looks so happy. My path was long and hard, with Him giving grace for one sweet girl to bless my life with before my body failed for good requiring more major surgery. Its just my little one and I now and that's okay. New journey opening up. Wishing you well and take care, Kristen Pare
Sharon
I'm praying for you. I, too have walked that path and know the pain. The Lord does know what we are going through and is the only one that can carry us through that pain. What a beautiful place Heaven will be! God Bless!
Emily's Mum
My dear Young Friend. I am so very sorry to read your news. You have a beautiful daughter and it makes my heart sing to hear your words of joy at her gifts of joy to you. Life does send us some very difficult things to deal with but these things make us stronger and who we are in every way, even on days when we cannot see how that could be. Inspiration and strength comes from surprising places sometimes and I can see from your beautifully written post today that you have your inspiration. Take care of yourself and enjoy every day that you have x
mthomas5
I am so sorry for your loss, but as many others have said,I haave been there too! God has definately blessed you with one precious angel! I so enjoyed looking at all the sweet pictures of her. I will pray for you; for comfort for healing and for understanding during this hard time.
City Farmhouse
Beautifully said Kristen. I am sorry for your loss & hope sometimes soon your dream of having another will come true. I agree completely, share the same feelings and can relate:). Your right, the hard things usually do end up making us more grateful. Your Ella is just beautiful & I can tell you are an amazing mom. Stay strong, Jen
Brandy~GreyLaneHome
Kristen I am so sorry for your pain. I know this pain all to well. My dauther's birthday just past and I tear up just thinking about her. Thank you for sharing you story with us and for showing us all how to still find beauty in life after we suffer so hard. May God be with you and your family always and heal your hearts.
Audrey
I am so sorry dear friend for your loss(es) and for your pain. You are such a wonderful inspiration to me and I know your Heavenly Father is mindful of your needs. May your heart heal as soon as possible and may you continue to find the beauty in life. Love you! <3
Little Vintage Cottage
Hi Kristen, I'm so sorry that you had to go through that again. I know how you must feel right now. I've had probably 6 miscarriages, all when I was much, much younger and all but one happened before I had my beautiful daughter. In fact, I had just accepted the fact that I probably couldn't have a baby and BOOM! That's when I found out I was pregnant again and then the pregnancy just kept going and going! I had one miscarriage after her as well which I think was the one that hurt the most. I am 44 now and my beautiful baby is 22 now so she was my only chance!
Your beautiful baby Ella is such a joy, and I know how thankful you are to have her. I wish you luck with having more :O)
Tania
Anonymous
Kristen, I am so sorry for your loss. I think it is awesome that you are sharing your pain, your hurt and your joy. Just by reading the other posts, you have touched many lives. Many women go through so much pain trying to conceive or they do conceive only to experience loss. You are an example of how we can hurt and have pain, but God can get us through those dark times. Doesn't mean we don't have it, He just holds our hands through it. Thanks for putting yourself out there. You have a BEAUTIFUL daughter. She is so cute! May God bless you. Nita
Candace & Nicole
I'm sorry Kristen. Your post is lovely and a sweet reminder to all of us to cherish the good! -Candace
Katherine Wolak
I am so sorry for your loss my dear... I can understand, as a mom, the pain this must cause is enourmous! Praying for you and your dear little one!
Hugs,
Lex
I miss you. I sure love you! My heart is so touched. Those pictures of Ella make me smile for you. She is a miracle angel! I might have to sneak over to your house next weekend during my brother's wedding to give you a big hug!
Julie G.
My heart just aches for you! Oh man.....I'm so sorry.You have such a better attitude about it than I ever had. They were such dark, lonely days. So glad you have a little ray of sunshine to help guide you through them. Still miss your smiling face, when can we get together? Jewels
Holly Green
I am sorry to hear about your recent sadness. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant via artificial insemination for the past few months. I also have a pregnant friend and each month that the stick doesn't show 2 pink lines it makes it harder and more painful to listen to her pregnancy "talk." There are days when it is nearly unbearable, but other days I know that I need to be positive.
GLENDA CHILDERS
I am sorry, Kristen, that you have experienced again the loss of your baby.
shaggysheephome
I have had four miscarriages myself. It is a roller coaster ride emotionally, and That is when I find my Faith working at its best. I think of my children in heaven watching and praying for their brothers and sister. I know one day I will get to meet them and I believe we will have eternity to make up for the lost time. God bless you and your family. You are in my prayers.
Kelly @ thelilypadcottage
Oh Kristen, my heart just breaks as I read this. We lost 2 babies between Chloe and having Jack and it was so hard to understand why. When God finally blessed us with Jack we understood His perfect timing. I'm so glad you are choosing to see the beauty in your life and count your blessings. I will keep you in my prayers!
Hi I'm Shannon!
It's so wise to see the beauty in the blessings you have, even while you are hurting. I'm sorry for your pain.